Thursday, April 14

How bad can a person be?

I started working in XXX Hospital in 2014 as a Research Assistant. I was excited and happy that I will be speaking to patients and trying to help make lives better.
I was glad to be given opportunities to be part of a research team that aims to personalise medicine.

There were two other research assistants like me and three project managers. Above the managers, there is the main project manager. I soon got to know that the project managers are just executives. Two of them are fresh graduates and the other was a research assistant, a psychology major.
I was assigned to L, the one who was a research assistant, she was pretty and dainty. On my first day, she brought me around the hospital and introduced me to my colleagues. She shared with me that this is her second job and she has no prior experience working in a hospital setting. I thought that we would get along because she seemed nice. I observed her during patient recruitment during the first week. Every time I raise a concern she would just brush it off with “this is the way things work”.
Very soon, things went south. I soon find myself crying in one of the stalls after I know I failed my probation because of reasons such as
1. I didn't pick up my phone within 5 rings,
2. I wore a super light blue straight pants that resembles jeans
3. I wore sport shoes once to work, etc. 

L is a really scary person. There are many times I disagreed with her actions during work, she would take them personally and as a contest for power. 
There was an incident when we were waiting our research patient to be done outside a procedure room. I happen to see an elderly patient on a wheelchair who was struggling to make his way towards the procedure room alone. I took the initiative to wheel him in. L shouted at me in the clinic, “I didn't hire you to push wheelchairs or other patients around.”
At that point of time, I was taken aback by such an answer. How could a staff of the hospital be this unsympathetic? When recruiting patients, I told her that it has to be a voluntary thing, she would proudly say "I never take 'no' for an answer". She made an elderly lady cried while recruiting and still continued to hound her to sign the contract. Some of the patients told me that she asked them to participate in the research or else they would have to find another doctor for treatment. Zero concern on a patient's wellbeing.
L even judged me for making friends with other staff in the clinics, "Why are you so friendly to the nurses, they are useless." "The PSA are nothing, what benefit does it have talking to them?"
Everything are benefits to her.

I couldn't continue working like that. I spoke to the doctor in charge, and he agreed with her actions. I spoke to the main project manager who is her reporting officer, and he told me to give in to her and that she is new and needs time. I just gave her time.

I told myself to let it be, things would get better, but I was wrong.
She is so cruel to me. I know that I cannot continue working there. So I decided to hand in my resignation letter after she came back from her holiday.

Then the worst day ever.
I was going for my annual family trip on a Wednesday night and she will be off to her trip the following Monday that I'll return for work. I won't be seeing her until she's back from her trip. Few weeks ago, she mentioned about her trip and I said that I will be there to cover her while she is on her holiday, I decided to keep my resignation from her until she return.
Little did I know she was planning to fire me on the Wednesday itself? Giving me no time to serve my notice of three days. She knew I was going on the trip that very night and she decided to do it on that day. I had to pack everything up on my desk by 6pm. I was too shocked to react to the termination. I foolishly handed in my resignation and the main project manager accepted it. I asked to serve my notice when I return on Monday, but it wasn't allowed, so I had to pay for my notice. I broke down in the office while packing my desk, I was too sad to even feel embarrassed to cry in front of everybody there.

How bad can a person be? Well, she's the worst I’ve met so far. 

I was naive. So very naive. Every doctors took her side. Even the Human Resource department was reluctant to help me. Union? Can't help me either since I was not a 'confirmed' staff. I couldn't understand why nobody could help me, I was lost, I felt betrayed. A colleague told me that it was because I wasn't an executive, and managers only help managers. Nobody would help a regular staff like me.

It has been more than a year, I have been bitter. I would not understand why they would retain somebody like that and I only feel sad that this happened in a hospital. I know I will never see that hospital the same way again. I am glad to have met nice colleagues there. 

I know that this has affected me greatly, that's why I need to talk about it. I also want to commend my great husband who kept assuring me, supporting me and loving me even when I was at my lowest. Thank you so much. I will continue to try my best to get out of this soon.